Vapid Victory

First of all, drunk guy swimming with pride due to an inconsequential and utterly meaningless victory in something that provides no status or value, it's 'commander-in-chief'. The title of your post means nothing, just like your slight win over me in a game I've played twice before and didn't even know the rules. You beat me because I kept drawing vowels, and I still finished respectably, falling back on my immense reserve of vocabulary and linguistic jujitsu (damn, that would be a kickass scrabble word - see, I'm making the connections already). But, I will give you a moment to gloat and feel succesful, it must be strange and confusing for you. This is what I feel when I think about life and my place in the general social order, and I guess losing due to bad luck, which I felt after the Scrabble game, is akin to your existence. A metaphor for the fallout of your life. It's good to stand in someone else's shoes for a time, especially someone as shitty as you. It gives me a deep sense of appreciation for not being you.

But, you want a challenge and I have given one to you. I have agreed to dip into the ugly and indulgent world of working class sports - a competitive eating competition. The offer stands and I know you're scared. Keep beating around the bush and living off the little fuel provided by a totally vapid victory.